Types of Toxic People and How to Deal
- Raven
- Aug 9
- 5 min read
This is a list of some different types of toxic people, their usual characteristics, and some guidance on how to handle them. Most of the time its recommended to remain calm, though you can't be that way 100% of the time. These are the basic types of toxic people that you will probably run into as a real life superhero since they cause problems.
Practice.
You can practice looking for these people at any point during any day. You can people watch when you are out to lunch, consider the people in your office, observe people at the grocery store, etc. Once you can identify these type of toxic people, you will start becoming faster at identification and mitigation.
Narcissist
Focus is on themselves. They lack empathy. Believes they are better than others. They cannot stand for others to think poorly of them and will misconstrue information, lie, and threaten in an effort to put themselves in, what they consider to be, the best light.
Handle Them:
Set boundaries and stick to it. This means they have to conform to your rules, which is going to be hard for them.
Ask direct questions and only accept direct responses. They may try to re-direct the question, provide wishy-washy answers or answers that aren’t quite what you asked for, and may try to flip this around on you.
Limit interaction. This might be a time limit. This may be the total times you actually interact with them. Be willing to cut ties, put up a wall, lose their information.
Controller
Tries to control everything around them. Needs to be in charge of every decision. Jealous of people's (who they are trying to control) relationships. Inflexible on decisions, meaning negotiations are very difficult. A typical tactic for them is to isolate, then control.
Handle Them:
Set boundaries and stick to it. This means they have to conform to your rules, which is going to be hard for them.
Maintain independence. Do not allow them to isolate you, which is how they will attempt to defeat this.
External support. You may need external support to deal with a controller. This could be a second person, an authoritative figure, etc.
Drama Magnet
Feeds off of gossip and drama. Puts you and others in uncomfortable positions. Does not want your advice. They love being a victim or martyr because they love the attention.
Handle Them:
Set boundaries. Set emotional boundaries and also set time boundaries (like “I only have 5 minutes”). If they break those boundaries, cut them off, get out of there, and don’t respond to them.
Ask them for a solution. Since these energy vampires feed on negativity, they aren’t used to providing any support. This forces an answer or for them to leave.
Remain positive or neutral. Don’t feed into their negative needs.
Energy Vampire
Drains you of energy, overwhelms, create unsettling atmosphere, creates problems, and feeds on negativity. Constant complaining. Victim mentality.
Handle Them:
Set emotional boundaries. If they become too emotional, just remove yourself from the conversation no matter how it may seem. Sometimes blunt is best.
Ask them for a solution. Since these energy vampires feed on negativity, they aren’t used to providing any support. This forces an answer or for them to leave.
Remain positive or neutral. Don’t feed into their negative needs.
Compulsive Liar
Tells white lies constantly, manipulates and gaslights people, a master of guilt trips. Often inconsistent, defensive, and strangely detailed stories. They are often afraid of consequences and social perceptions.
Handle Them:
Ask for evidence. Where is the email? Where is the data? Where is the receipt? Where is the supportive evidence for the information you just gave me?
Trust your instincts. If you think something is off, but can’t really place why, then consider it a lie or something negative. Ask for evidence.
Set consequences and follow through. If you do A, then B will occur. Have a plan, stick with it.
Jealous-Judgmental
Cannot be happy for people. Always the victim. Minimizes others to feel better. They suffer from some form of self-hate which drives this behavior.
Handle Them:
Avoid engaging in gossip. If you do, then only participate in positive gossip. If it gets negative, refuse to talk about it or change the subject immediately.
Highlight positivity. Reply with positivity. “Wow, good for them!” or “They’re so brave for doing that.”
Keep your distance. Only engage with them on your terms and keep it limited.
The Tank
The tank runs over everyone. They’re always right, they are only concerned about their thoughts/feelings/goals, they are arrogant, and might consider themselves the smartest person in the room. They are dominant, dismissive, and lack empathy.
Handle Them:
Stand your ground. Firmly and calmly explain your reasoning. Coming off hot-headed could give them leverage to overrun you.
Avoid confrontation. Use “I” statements to help avoid direct confrontation.
Limit interaction. Limit interaction with them. You may increase interaction time, but only if their behavior begins to change.
The Competitor
They have a compulsion to be competitive with just about everyone. This can beat down other people’s self-esteem, which makes them feel like they are winning. They may also manipulate others to make them believe that you are the loser in whatever scenario you find yourself in.
Handle Them:
Celebrate quietly. When you do celebrate your achievements, do it away from them. If you got a promotion at work and this person is a co-worker, then downplay the achievement at work. If they pick up on it, just reply “I’m celebrating after work with friends”. This takes away their power.
Deflect comparison. A good way to do this is “It was never a competition”.
Passive-Aggressive
They express themselves indirectly with snide remarks (“I suppose it will have to do”), backhanded compliments (“you would look so good in that dress if you dropped 5lbs”), or engage in subtle sabotage (bring in fresh baked goods when they know you’re on a diet). They often have a bit of a victim or martyr complex. May leave others feeling confused and frustrated.
Handle Them:
Address behavior directly. Call them out and ask them to discuss the problem with you.
Encourage open communication. These people do not communicate as well as they believe they do.
The User
The user likes to latch onto people for a variety of reasons. It may be emotionally, physically, monetarily, etc. In a relationship, this will be one-sided, as they give nothing back. They will leave you feeling undervalued and taken for granted. Often the user feels as if what they are taking from you is something they deserve to have or are entitled to. Lack gratitude.
Handle Them:
Say no. Have a boundary and once they cross it, start saying no. Do not budge, even if it sounds like they’re in dire straits. They will try to find some crisis in an effort to regain control to use you again.
Cut ties. At some point, you may have to cut all ties with the person. Delete their contact information, social media connections, etc. Stop engaging with them. Avoid them in public and private settings.
Seek reciprocity. If you do them a favor, ask for a favor in return - to make it even.
If you begin to watch a lot of true crime television, you will start noticing these particular types of traits.
If I forgot a particular type, please let me know in the comments.
Comments